Narcissistic Personality Disorder
An estimated 5% of the UK population may have narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), which means over 16 million people might experience the condition. With that many people experiencing NPD, there is a fairly high probability you know someone who is severely narcissistic. When confronted with toxic narcissism, removing yourself from the relationship is often the best course of action. But what can you do when that person is a family member?
How to Recognise a Narcissist
Narcissism is far more complex than mere vanity or selfish tendencies. True narcissism is a diagnosable personality disorder known as narcissistic personality disorder. NPD is described by as a pattern of grandiosity, the need for admiration and a lack of empathy. An individual with NPD is fixated on their own uniqueness, self-importance and sense of entitlement.
Essentially, narcissism is characterised by a lack of empathy or desire to genuinely understand others’ needs. Someone with NPD is often solely concerned with themselves and their needs, unable to properly process or engage with the world around them. Instead, a narcissist operates as though everything they embody — their needs, ideas, accomplishments, problems and more — are a higher priority than anyone else’s.
The sense of entitlement someone with NPD has can be so extreme, they expect unreasonable special treatment and will do whatever it takes to be the centre of everyone’s universe — for better or for worse. This need to be the centre of attention and lack of awareness for others’ emotions often leads to toxic behaviour.
Main signs of NPD:
- Preoccupied with self: Someone with NPD can be consumed with disproportionate senses of self-concern, self-centeredness and self-consciousness. Their strong feelings of entitlement may lead them to expect constant attention and admiration from others.
- Unrealistic expectations: The expectations of constant attention and admiration are paired with more unrealistic expectations that others will instantly comply with all their wishes without question. A narcissist’s entitlement can make them think they deserve special accommodations and favours.
- Dehumanizing others: Those with NPD might interact with people based on whether they believe that person can offer something beneficial to them, such as social status, a job or emotional fulfilment. If a narcissist determines that person has failed them, they will most often devalue or discard them. In this way, narcissists view people as means to an end rather than individuals.
- Lack of empathy: Narcissists often lack empathy as a result of dehumanizing others. Someone with NPD might not attempt to understand the perspective or feelings of anyone besides themselves, resulting in a lack of compassion and remorse for any wrongdoings.
- Obsession with appearances: Narcissists can be fixated with beauty and other aspects of their appearance to others, such as wealth, fame, success and reputation. A narcissist commonly fantasizes about great success, power and beauty.
- Pride: Being obsessed with appearances can cultivate a prideful personality. A narcissist might come off as vain or immodest as a result of their pride.
- Exaggeration: To boost their appearance and importance, an individual with NPD might exaggerate their skills and accomplishments.
- Inability to accept criticism: Because a narcissist has a sense of pride and a high view of themselves, they are often sensitive to negative feedback and criticism, even if it is constructive. A narcissist can become defensive or angry at even the slightest criticism, making it challenging to call them out for their problematic patterns of behavior.
- Envy: A person with NPD needs to constantly feel like the most successful and powerful person in the room. If they feel as though someone else is outshining them, they can quickly become jealous and may try to knock the other person down. Due to sibling rivalries, envy is one of the most common narcissistic sibling characteristics.
- Mood swings: Someone with NPD is often psychologically fragile and might struggle to regulate their emotions. This inability to properly balance their feelings can result in aggressive impulses, verbal assaults and manipulation.
- Broken or strained relationships: Narcissists tend to have difficulties within their relationships because loved ones may not tolerate put-downs, contempt and carelessness. Often, people reach a breaking point and have to cut ties with a narcissist.
- Low self-esteem: Despite the outward appearance, those with NPD may not love themselves as they want others to believe they do. Feelings of superiority are usually rooted in a deep sense of insecurity. They typically express poor self-esteem via self-deprecation or arrogance, working hard to overcompensate for their lack of confidence.
- Need for approval: A narcissist’s lack of self-esteem drives them to actively seek validation from others. Whether the narcissist’s inadequacies are real or imagined, they experience a significant need for approval from other people.
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Narcissistic Personality Disorder | NI Counselling 2023